So I was sitting in my human sexuality class today, again, when my professor was reading questions that anonymous people can leave for him. One of the questions, or comments, was to ask that he not belittle Christianity in his next lecture. As he started to address this question, he said that he didn't want to change or convert anyone's religion that he was simply "stating facts". These "facts" happened to be that the bible is full of conflicting information in the Old and New Testaments. We were currently talking on the subject of homosexuality and other issues of law within the bible. He then proceeded to talk about how people can pick and choose what they want to believe out of the texts and that many of the laws in it are absurd. (Of course, he started quoting from the OT) As I sat there and looked around at the 100 or so people joining me in this obviously Satan driven lecture, I felt angry and yet helpless. I prayed at that moment for everyone in the room that they not allow a professor to tell them his interpretation of what is written in the word. I can only hope that this class spurred them to look into the scriptures and discover for themselves the truth, not simply take someone's word on it (as the Cliff always says). I know that UT is an extremely liberal University, however, it became more apparent then ever today. What the heck is wrong with this world? Nevermind, I know the answer to that. I wanted so badly to jump up and just shout "You are so mislead!! Don't listen to this professor!" I didn't move a muscle though. I childishly kept my mouth shut, as I felt unprepared and unknowledgable to battle my professor in a class of over 100. This experience today made me realize that I need to study. I need to study that of which my faith is grounded in so that I will be more prepared for the never ending battle that surely I will endure. I did not speak out because I was afraid! I feel ashamed to even say that. I wasn't afraid of the adversity I would face, I was ashamed of not having the knowledge of the word to correctly and intelligently rebuke his falsification. I realized today, I am in Austin, Texas, where I am in the moral minority. Oh my,,,,,,

A funny thing happened this morning. As my best friend and I (Lindsay) woke up this morning, fairly early which is highly unusual, we turned on the TV in hopes of something good being on. We ended up stopping on one of those televised sermons on TCM or whatever that channel is. It was amazing for me to just sit there and watch this sermon with her, as she is one of the few people in my life I can do that with. I thought it was really cool.

Anyway, so I was driving back to Austin, Round Rock, whatever (Lindsay lives in Bastrop) I was jamming out to a compilation CD that Brandon had made me. I found my self completely consumed by the music wanted to sing, dance, shout, and cry in the fetal position all at the same time. I was overcome with emotion and worshipping my Lord in my car. At that moment, all negative emotion went away, as I felt......free. I can't explain this and maybe you all have felt this way before. I have only felt this way a few other times in my life, most coming from the great Camp Lone Star, during worship and praise times. This experience on the little highway 71 in my crazy space shuttle car made me realize how complacent I have been. I loved the feeling of worshipping without the "Lutheranized" mono-toned style of worship. Yes, I understand that not all Lutheran churches worship this way, and yes, I realize that sometimes traditional style worship is a great thing; but I have been so conditioned to accept it, that I almost makes me cringe. It is what I have grown up on, been taught, and thrived in to build my faith. Today, I realized that basically, I love worshipping my savior. That is all I wanted to say.

Yesterday in my human sexuality course, we were discussing gender roles and the issues surrounding them in the United States. As we had our discussion, the issue of the equal rights amendment came up and it was astounding all of the "femme-Nazis" that came out during this discussion (no pun intended). So my prof brought up a great point about the passage of this amendment. If it passed, this would mean that women could be drafted to war, and that men would have an easier chance of gaining custody of their children, were just 2 of the topics discussed. Being a woman, I am completely happy not having to go to war in the time of need, if a draft were implemented. I think that staying home with the children and raising them while my husband is at war is a perfectly suitable position for me to be in. I don't want to be forced to fight. I doubt all the feminists want to be forced to partake in a war either. A comment was made pertaining to the custody battles in divorces over their children. One girl said that "the majority of men don't want their kids anyway". Oh man, did the class explode. Are you really in college? At UT? Did you graduate from a high school for ignorant idiots?? I couldn't believe that she actually thought that. The majority of men DO want custody of their children, however the law tends to favor the mother of the children, not the father. This is wrong, but hey I guess it was the woman's choice to have the baby, not the man's; so go ahead take the child, even if you have no business raising it to be as liberal as you are.

I am currently taking a "Fundamentals of Acting" course at UT (yes, I took it for the easy A) and we were assigned an autodrama. Meaning, I have to fill 5 minutes of time by acting out, or presenting in some way, 5 issues in my life that have greatly effected me. As I have sat and thought about this and thought about this (it is due on Friday), I can only come up with one positive issue of the 5. So I sat in my own depression last night groveling alone in my bed about how pathetic my life has been. I was completely consumed by the horrific events and immense hurt that I have felt through out my life. I went to bed completely distressed, yearning to wake up in someone else's world. The funny thing is, I woke up at 6:45 AM (yes,,,it sucks), got dressed and had no thoughts of what I was complaining about the night before. I went to class, then went to work. It was sometime during the hours of my work that I realized how ungreatful and shameful I had been with my thoughts last night. I should be thankful for the people God has placed in my life, and focus on how my troubling experiences have made me to be the person I am today (which is not that good).

It is quite puzzling to me, how I can get up in front of 200 teenagers and express to them how I have conquered my hardship without batting an eye. Yet, as I try to believe this myself, I begin to break again, reliving the memories that I have tried to desperately to forget about in an attempt to heal. I realized that I cannot be the one to overcome anything. I have tried for far too long to do this by myself, but the truth is I need help and strength. I know this now. Crazy how an assignment for a liberal class, in a liberal university can give me a reality check in my faith. Thanks God!

Ahhh yes,,,,so I am pretty much computer illiterate, and have bad spelling as well. Not a very good combination when trying to figure out this blog stuff. David Robinson had his jersey retired tonight. Man that is one of the most amazing people in the sports realm. Just an overall great guy. So I added a comments section to my blog, so go ahead and give me your thoughts. Not much else. I am not good at this yet.

Well, I figured I would jump on the band-wagon and start one of these too. You know, to vent and let everyone know thoughts that you probably wouldn't waste the time of actually going into the details and boring your listeners. This way, they read it at will, and probably won't tell you they did.