AAAhhhhhhh,,,,,back from spring break now and the stories will now start rolling.
STORY ONE: there is the crazy kid. This child, we will call him Greg is the epitome of an ADHD child if there ever was one. I am not a huge advocate for drugging up children that have been "diagnosed" with these hyperactive disorders, however this is a poster child for ritalin.

Every day he walks into class like he is the teacher, Grabs the white board marker, And tells us what the "Letter of the Day" is. Then he proceeds to draw a picture of something that begins with that letter.

So yesterday we go into class, mind you, after having an extended spring break, and he proceeds to do his daily ritual. Greg cannot remember information that I teach for 2 minutes, but somehow he miraculously remembered what letter we were on, on the last day of class before spring break. (this is also the child whose permanent seat in my class is on the floor with a radius of 5 feet all around him).

STORY TWO: To preface this story I must first tell you the topic of discussion. Sessiles, which are animals that do not move (for example sea sponges) was the subject that was being discussed in class.

Billy: "Man can you imagine being a sponge and being like me with ADD?"
~~Billy then falls off of his seat to the ground in the fetal position and begins crying~~
"WWWWHHHHYYYYYY,,,,WHYYY,,,,,OH GOD WHY???!!!!"

absolutely hilarious

Well, this week is my spring break, so there will not be too much new happening, but I thought I would post a story from a couple of weeks ago.

It is funny the names that kids have for their private parts, here are some interesting ones that I have encountered:

Johnny is playing dodgeball. He is dodging and flanking left and right. Just as he jumps up to hopefully be missed by a zooming nerf ball, he gets hit right in the privates and says:

"OOHHH!! My eggrolls!!"
(This is the same kid that in gym class asked me if we could do something more "exotic". I told him we could, but he probably wouldn't want that. Not the best response on my part, but it was too funny to resist. He had no clue what he was saying.)

Another private event occurred the other day during dodgeball, when again a nerdy child was hit in the nards:

Timmy: "Excuse me Coach, but Jeff just hit me directly in my inappropriate place. And it is inappropriate to hit me there."
He said this as if he was telling me an absolute fact, not in a tattle tale voice.

That's all I have for now,,,more will definitely come once school commences again.

So today I made the mistake of bringing up my husband in class and needless to say the conversation got all crazy.

Billy says to me: "What would you do if you found out that you and your husband were cousins?"

Tommy says to Billy: "Well, we would all find out when their kids are born retarded!"

Billy: "Wouldn't that make you mormon?"

Tommy: "No. That would just mean that he has married other cousins and has lots of retarded kids."

I had to stop the conversation right there before I peed in my pants....

We were playing a pictionary science game today and it was Bobby's turn to draw. Bobby got frustrated because Tommy didn't guess what he was drawing. The dialogue goes as so....

Bobby: "Tommy you retard, its a 'host!'"

Mrs. Albers: "Bobby! Do you want a detention?!?"

Bobby: "No ma'am, I want Tommy to find to other half of his brain." (in a calm and serious voice)

I love teaching.

So today we were talking about earthworms and how they have 5 pairs of hearts and yadda yadda. Their hearts are located close to their digestive system. Needless to say, the comment came out:

"How cool would that be to poo on your heart?!"

Class followed with noises of disgust.

I know this day is the same day, but another story yet appears in my life. Picture this.......a fat kid is bending over and another skinny, short kid is observing the fat kid and says...."Mr. Johnson, can we require Bobby to wear underwear?"

Teacher Response: We could, but have no feasable way to enforce it.

Today some students were acting up during a project. Johnny was leading the bad behavior in his group. Billy was in another group and witnessed the bad behavior from Johnny's group. Billy then looks at them and says, very calmy, "You guys keep it up because you are making us slackers look real good." Funny stuff....at least to me it is.

Alright, so here is the quote of the day from a 7th grade student when asked the question "Who do you think you are more like? Your mom or your dad?"

Student Answer: "I'm most like my dad. I'm lazy. I'm a slob. But I'm devoted to the things I like, even if I can't afford them."

Keep in mind.....7th Grade.