James was goofing off today, as usual. The Christopher gets sick of James acting up so he says:

"James, if you don't shut up, I will slap that mullet back to the year it came from!"

I think this might be a quote from a movie, but nevertheless, I laughed my face off and then told Christopher to stop because although his comment was funny, it was inappropriate!

By the way, James DOES have a mullet and is in the 7th grade.

Picture this:

8th Grader Mikey stays after class in Ms. Watson's classroom and tells her this:
"I'm going to have to change schools!"

Ms. Watson: "Why Mikey?"

Mikey: "Because Billy and Suzy saw my erection that I had during lunch today and they ARE GOING TO TELL THE WHOLE SCHOOL!! They are sitting over there talking about it right now.......planning,,,,,scheming for my demise. So, I have to move schools...."

Ms. Watson then tries to settle the situation out by simple telling all of them to not talk about anybody....blah blah. As it turns out, Billy and Suzy were not talking about Mikey's erection and hadn't even seen it. They did not know about it until Mikey said: "OH! I thought you were talking about the erection I had at lunch."

Ms. Watson turns as she rolls her eyes and says: "what an idiot..." After all of the drama, he goes and tells them....genius.

Jimmy: "Did you know that Asian people cannot drive? There are terrible drivers because they haven't had cars as long as we have in the U.S."

Jimmy thinks he is the smartest boy in the 8th grade and wants to go to MIT. I just got done writing Jimmy's progress report for failing this six weeks.

Joey: "Mrs. Albers, have you seen my other schizophrenic half? His name is schizophrenic Scott. Let me know if you find him."

Mrs. Albers: "ok"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Little 8th grade Billy was distracting everyone in class so I said.

"O.k. Lets all look at Billy and give him his 15 seconds of attention."

The entire class looks at Billy and he proceeds to lift up his shirt, tweak his nipple, and let out a girlie howl. Highly inappropriate, but insanely hilarious. I had to turn my head and laugh.

Ok.....so I am back on the quote train and just have to tell you that my husband helped me chaperone a middle school dance this weekend. Of course something crazy had to happen and one of our "hot in love" couples decided to sneak out and do a little dancing behind the buildings. My husband found them and needless to say they got reamed out by the principle. The funny part comes in when this 8th grade boy who basically gets caught with his pants down (oh and did I mention that the girl's dad drives up right as we found them?) professes his "I have to be with her" love to a 12 year old girl. Disturbing sight.

Saturday rolls around and the Middle School teachers, me included, donated a day of 12 kids vs. the teachers playing paint ball for 3 hours. We had an absolute blast condoning the behaviors that we normally shun in the classroom. Good Times. Bad Bruises.

Another Quote of the day.

"Andrew, if you don't shut up, I am going to stick this fork in your eye.......just like I did my father"............dead silence.........

So,,,,,we are going over a test today about rocks. One feature of sedimentary rocks is that of concretion or rocks of a completely different mineral in and amongst that of a different type of substance. Then I say:

"It would be like finding a chocolate chip in an apple pie"

Andy says: "Or like finding a normal kid here at Winston"

(Winston is the school I teach at and it is for children with ADD/ADHD; Dyslexia; or any other learning difference.)

Picture this.

All of the middle school teachers and coaches are sitting in the lunchroom dining on some lovely cafeteria food. Suddenly, Bobby is walking swiftly towards the table and in an extremely loud voice announces:

"COACH WEB! Oh man! Did you hear that Michael Vick has herpes??!!"

Lets just say that the table was covered with bits of unchewed cafeteria food. And now the muscles in my stomach hurt from contracting so hard during my chronic laughing fit.

Ok. Here is a boy a named Craig. Now, Craig is an ADD kid that completely and utterly believes that the lockness monster is real. He is convinced of this based on the evidence that he has seen on the internet. Imagine that. Craig also talks faster than anyone I have ever heard and believes in the mothman. So, now that you have some background on this kid, I will give you the quote:

"I finally figured out what Batman's problem was! He was schizophrenic!!"

Then cocked his head to one side like dogs do and said, "I think I am Batman."

By the way, this kid has a mullet by choice. His mother begs him to cut it, but he just won't.

Then she cries.